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Funny Amazon Reviews You Never Pay Attention To

Posted by Odd Gifts on

While searching through the many online products to find just the right stuff for our customers, we also read reviews to ensure that we select highly recommended items.  We want our friends to be happy with their purchases and their products so that they can get the quality they pay for.  We want to make sure that you guys get maximum usage and fun out of your products/gifts.  With that being said, we also come across a lot of ridiculously funny reviews that people with a lot of time on their hands love to leave for anyone who is paying attention.  Here are a few that we found and got a kick out of  so we wanted to share them with you guys to enjoy too.   

The following review was written for a bacon body wash on Amazon.  

By space chicken
 
I was sitting at my desk Friday morning of last. The sun was shining beautifully through the open window. The sound of majestically singing bluebirds filled my ears. I sipped my lukewarm cappuccino and smiled. All was well with the world.

Then in walked my boss behind me. His face reddened, he lifted a hand to his nose.

"My god, what is that unholy stench?" he asked to the room. I pretended to ignore him. "It smells like a warm bag of turds in here!"

I continued to ignore him. But he was having none of it. He approached my desk with the look of someone who has years of practice in sneaking up behind unsuspecting prone men. I continued to ignore him as he drew his shnozz closer to my sweaty armpits and took a great big sniff.

"Dear mother of christ!" he exclaimed. "Have you been rubbing six-day-old clam chowder into your shirts?"

Needless to say I was fired on the spot. I was rendered homeless at once. Unemployable due to my sullied reputation - and pit stains.
It was with the very last of my money I booked a PC in an internet cafe and turned to Amazon in the hope to save myself from the gutter. It was then I stumbled across this very product. Not thinking straight I hit the PayPal button. I began perspiring at the very thought of being able to cure my unholy stench problem.

The product arrived the very next day, and without any further ado I began applying it to my body. I even gave the bottle a swig just to be sure (not recommended). The fire of optimism burned in my naive eyes.

Days passed.
Weeks passed.
Months passed.

I would love to say that your product saved me from my predicament and I am now back in a lucrative office job, sipping a fine mocaccino, waiting to return home to my beautiful wife.

The reality is this:
Every day I am chased down Main Street by a hundred dogs while obese men offer me $10 bills to lick my back.
This reviewer gave fives stars for this stalker Valentin's Day card from Amazon and wrote;
It is a great card. I used it and it worked wonders. Just a word of advice to potential buyers - get a pair of gloves with the card. While the type is untraceable, fingerprints are not. If any criminal lawyers find this helpful, please contact me ASAP as I now need representation.
and 
I used to have to search around and find the right magazine article or newspaper and spend hours cutting and pasting, pasting and cutting, cutting, cutting....but I digress.
Now all I have to do is get this card and It's all good. I just wish they offered these in bulk!
and finally here are a couple of funny reviews for the book called Dancing With Jesus from Amazon.
By Jehovah God titled; Most humans don't realize what a terrible dancer Jesus was.  
Hi, mortals!

Most humans don't realize what a terrible dancer Jesus is. Which is why I love this book. Each page lovingly explores in detail just how badly Jesus dances.

I mean seriously, it's pathetic. He's the lamest and whitest dancer in the history of lame white dancing. That's right, he's doing the Carlton on the cover.

I encourage everyone to get this book so you can laugh at My Son's 'dancing' as well.

Love,

God
and
By Ron titled; HOLY ROCK N ROLLY!!!
Format: Board book Verified Purchase
He may have holes in his feet but he does NOT have any holes in his game! Watch Jesus turn water and wine into a Yahweh part-ay. I recommend everyone to read this book and urge the church to amend the bible and add this gospel of funk. If you want to see miracles, then you need to see how Jesus turns Jew lepers into two-steppers.
If you found these funny or found your own awesome customer reviews, let us know about them and we will share it with everyone.  

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