While searching through the many online products to find just the right stuff for our customers, we also read reviews to ensure that we select highly recommended items. We want our friends to be happy with their purchases and their products so that they can get the quality they pay for. We want to make sure that you guys get maximum usage and fun out of your products/gifts. With that being said, we also come across a lot of ridiculously funny reviews that people with a lot of time on their hands love to leave for anyone who is paying attention. Here are a few that we found and got a kick out of so we wanted to share them with you guys to enjoy too.
The following review was written for a bacon body wash on Amazon.
Then in walked my boss behind me. His face reddened, he lifted a hand to his nose.
"My god, what is that unholy stench?" he asked to the room. I pretended to ignore him. "It smells like a warm bag of turds in here!"
I continued to ignore him. But he was having none of it. He approached my desk with the look of someone who has years of practice in sneaking up behind unsuspecting prone men. I continued to ignore him as he drew his shnozz closer to my sweaty armpits and took a great big sniff.
"Dear mother of christ!" he exclaimed. "Have you been rubbing six-day-old clam chowder into your shirts?"
Needless to say I was fired on the spot. I was rendered homeless at once. Unemployable due to my sullied reputation - and pit stains.
It was with the very last of my money I booked a PC in an internet cafe and turned to Amazon in the hope to save myself from the gutter. It was then I stumbled across this very product. Not thinking straight I hit the PayPal button. I began perspiring at the very thought of being able to cure my unholy stench problem.
The product arrived the very next day, and without any further ado I began applying it to my body. I even gave the bottle a swig just to be sure (not recommended). The fire of optimism burned in my naive eyes.
I would love to say that your product saved me from my predicament and I am now back in a lucrative office job, sipping a fine mocaccino, waiting to return home to my beautiful wife.
The reality is this:
Every day I am chased down Main Street by a hundred dogs while obese men offer me $10 bills to lick my back.
Now all I have to do is get this card and It's all good. I just wish they offered these in bulk!
Most humans don't realize what a terrible dancer Jesus is. Which is why I love this book. Each page lovingly explores in detail just how badly Jesus dances.
I mean seriously, it's pathetic. He's the lamest and whitest dancer in the history of lame white dancing. That's right, he's doing the Carlton on the cover.
I encourage everyone to get this book so you can laugh at My Son's 'dancing' as well.